Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
MIDGETS
????
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
