omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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