You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
