My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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