Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.

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(425): View more from Washington

he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

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(574): View more from Indiana

its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."

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(718): View more from New York

at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON

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