I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
