we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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