I think I died a long time ago.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
