a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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