Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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