Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
