Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
