my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
