The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize