this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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