Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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