The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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