Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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