Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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