Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
