If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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