I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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