bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
