just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
