my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
