some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
