Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
