Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
