stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i out mim tonsoeep
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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