Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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