I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
