No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
