I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
