I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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