I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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