btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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