So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
