ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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