So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize