Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize