You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
