Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
