make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just high enough for therapy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
