I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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