I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
