So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
