we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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