look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The ass gains better be worth it
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