An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
