Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
