It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
