I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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