Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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