porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
