I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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