oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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