Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
