If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
