What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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