so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
