My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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