just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize