I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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