She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
