Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
