You smell like stripper and shame
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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