In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
