you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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